Parents Or Friends First?

Log into Facebook and you see a screen inundated with status updates from your friends. They share their daily experiences with you and the rest of their buddies. Facebook has become a comfortable venue for us to air our grievances or lightheartedness among our peers. We know that someone is there when we are down and that he or she may drop an uplifting message to keep our spirits high. Moreover, we also know that someone is there when we are joyful and that he or she may join in and celebrate the happiness with a joke or two.


















As the process of 'emotional amalgamation' continue to grow among our friends online, I believe that we may be less attached to our parents in the future. When we share our miseries with our peers online, we know and expect that they will be there to support us in overcoming the difficult period of our lives (such as relationship breakups and failures in examinations). After all, they are of the same age as us and are most likely to have the same set of thinking as us. This cannot be said in the case of our parents who may decide to hold a tongue-lashing exercise with us instead.

Let me provide you with a simple example - the dreaded relationship breakup. We usually share our relationship problems with our closest friends. In Facebook for example, the shattered love is even made evident when friends change their relationship status from being 'engaged' to 'single'. What follows next are usually consoling comments by concerned peers. By contrast, in most cases, we do not usually inform our parents when love cracks start to emerge. Somehow we feel awkward or nervous when we try to do so.

I am not sure if we teenagers are not drifting away from our parents. However, I am pretty confident that we are developing 'new families' with our friends. We are spending more time with them than our parents. We reveal the ups and downs of our lives to our buddies more often than we do to our parents. Our friends have metaphorically become like another family for us.

Technology plays a crucial role in the structuring of the 'new families'. In fact, it accelerates the whole process. Technology is evolving so fast that our parents are struggling to keep up with it. Mobile phones are turning obsolete and new communication gadgets and utilities are entering the market such as iPhones, social networking websites and many more. The digital divide between teenagers and their parents is the essential component that helps sew a stronger bond among their peers while having an opposite impact on the connection with their parents.

When teenagers start believing that their friends are taking over the roles as their parents, society will change. In the future, teenagers may no longer learn about the birds and the bees from their parents. Instead, they seek for knowledge from their friends. Teenagers may no longer share their problems with their parents. Instead, they rest their shoulders on their friends. Teenagers no longer spend their leisure time with their parents. Instead, they prefer organizing outings with their buddies.

















I always believe that our parents are the ones that keep us back on the right track when we are lost in life. When we are drowning with all the hardships in life, they are the first ones to rescue us and bring us back ashore. If the connection between teenagers and their parents is weakened, then we teenagers will be left alone when trouble arises. We are now left to make our own decisions alone. Join the wrong group, and our future may be in jeopardy.

This may be the cause of all the social problems teenagers are facing now. Abortions rates and teenage pregnancies have doubled over the years. Sometimes we wonder if our friends really know what they are talking about when they offer us advice or if they are merely pretending to know everything. When teenagers hide the truth from their parents, they are sending a wrong message to them. Parents may be misled to believe that their children are enjoying their lives and as a result be more willing to pay more attention to other areas of their lives, such as work.

Can you see the whole picture now?

In conclusion, the reality now is that teenagers are sharing their roller-coaster lives with their friends more often and readily as compared to with their parents. They are more easily influenced by their peers now than ever. Moreover, parents are also granting too much freedom to their children as they are given a false impression of the real state of the children's lives. In short, the connection between both parties is waning and this may be why there is a rise in the number of social problems among teenagers.

In a family, arguments may strain the thread that holds us together but it will never break it. However, in a friendship, a simple misunderstanding can snap the thread that has kept us together for many years, in just a split second.

The Bad In Our Society: Why And How?

When someone wants you to name the bad in your society, the people that automatically comes into your mind are the mats, minahs, ah lians and ah bengs. When the same person then asks you to describe how they look like, the pictures that flash in your mind are tattoos, smoking, sex with multiple partners, theft, truancy and the many other things associated with crime. However, when a final question is thrown at you seeking an answer to why the group of people you first mentioned are bad, you hesitate.

You hold back your words not because you do not the answer. The truth is you do know the answer - mixing with the wrong company, a broken family and negative influence from the mass media. Nonetheless, you are still stuck. And you are in that condition because you realize that the answers do not make sense.

Why would they harm themselves by smoking profusely throughout their lives when they know it would harm them and probably their families? Why would they continue to lead a highly sexually active lifestyle when they know it would do nothing to fix a broken marriage? Why are they committing crimes when they know their lives can be chained up with a prison sentence?

In my opinion, they are lost.

I remembered having a friend in Secondary School who used to share with me her first sex experience with her boyfriend. She was only twelve back then and the intercourse took place on a staircase. My friends and I would constantly advise her to stop practising the unhealthy lifestyle and teach her about the possible effects of pre-marital sex (such as an unplanned pregnancy). She remained adamant and would always hit back at us with the usual reply, "Yeah, I knew that!".

Anyone who receives such replies would think that they all do not make sense. I mean, using an analogy, why will anyone step on a pile shit when they know it stinks and would dirty their shoes?! No one will do that. No one unless the whole scenario happens amid darkness and you are lost and you can't see anything around you.

Starting to get the picture? Now lets move on...

In life, we must always be attached to something. It can be your religion, racial traditions or even the values taught in your school and family. In my opinion, these are the things that we depend on before making a decision. For example, the reason why some of us do not lie is because we are taught by our parents and during religious classes that lying is morally wrong and can taint your level of integrity. In short, the things mentioned above shine the light in our lives.

However, not all of us are privileged or lucky enough to be living under the light; some of us are lost in total darkness. Yes, they were taught in school about the negative consequences of pre-marital sex. Yes, they were warned by their parents about the importance of good education. Yes, they were reminded by the mass media about the dangers of smoking.

Nonetheless, at the same time, they are living under the same roof with a father who smokes heavily. At the same time, the mass media proudly showcases how cool and fun a sexually active life is. And at the same time, they witnessed first-hand how their less attentive friends in class achieve top grades in their examinations.

And so they are confused. As the confusion grows, so does the level of distress. In the end, the mind blanks out. They are now lost. They left behind rationality and do things randomly, fuelled by curiosity. In total darkness, most of the times they trip. This is when they contract a sexually-transmitted diseases, suffer lung cancer, get an unplanned pregnancy and so on.

Every decision is made without much thought. They have nothing to rely on when they switched their minds off - no values or whatever. Furthermore, at times they do bump into people in the total darkness. People who are like them. And so the blind leads the blind. This is how a bad dark company is formed.

The mats, minahs, ah bengs, ah lians or anyone related to the bad in society are not really that bad. They are just very lost. Broken families, negative influence from the mass media and joining the wrong company are just mere excuses. It is fundamental to understand and take note that all the social problems do happen in close families, amidst strong censorship of the mass media by the government and by befriending capable and honest individuals.

In various religious teachings, one concept that is constantly and consistently taught is about leading people in the correct path. We all know that when there is a correct path, there must also be an incorrect one. Most of us will choose the correct path as it is straight and safe. We naturally avoid the incorrect one as it is long-winded and treacherous. However, why would anyone in this world still choose the incorrect path? It is because they are not able to differentiate them both. They are just lost in total darkness. The paths look similar.

So how do we help our lost teenagers? How do we lead them back to the correct path?

We must reach out towards them, and not them reaching out to us. If we really want to solve our social mess, then it is vital for us to put in more effort going out and helping them. Concerts or (dance) competitions to promote awareness for specific anti- campaigns are too old-fashioned. Teenagers are most likely to skip the message of the campaign and instead focus on the entertainment value.

The lost souls needs hands to grab them and guide them to the light at the end of the dark space. They do not give much attention to campaigns no more. They have this thing called the Internet whereby more interesting materials are available.

It is about time we reach out to the 'bad' in our society with direct education.

Can A FAT Person Be Happy?

I am not a fan of the Tyra Banks Show, but one particular episode captured my attention. Tyra Banks, who is also widely known as a supermodel, invited around six overweight guests to her show. They were discussing if it is possible for a fat person to be happy at the same time. The topic sparked a huge and intense debate between the guests and some members of the audience.

Most of the people who attended the show that day agreed that being obese eats your freedom to move and do whatever you like away due to health concerns. I remembered one of them, who was once suffering from obesity, suggested that there is just no way that a fat woman can lead a happy lifestyle as she has to incur great medical expenses and possibly a high volume of stress due to discrimination. She cited her own experience as an example and nearly teared in front of the cameras. She then criticized the guests as 'disgusting' and begged them to change their unhealthy lifestyles.
























Nevertheless, the guests refuted her every word and fired back at the spectator for her insensitive use of the word 'disgusting'. One of the guests, a plus-size freelance model who posts pictures of herself posing in sexy outfits as well as uploading videos of herself dancing seductively in her website, even stood up and puts her head high up in the air before putting forward a speech that electrified the crowd.

I could not remember exactly the words that came out of her mouth but it was something like this:

'Do you know that there are thousands of young girls out there who are contemplating suicide because they are unhappy with how they look like? Well, I am happy for what I am right now. When I go out there, I approach these girls and tell them two things. Number one, if you look into the mirror and you are not happy with what you see, then DO SOMETHING. Number two, but if you look into the mirror and am happy with the reflection, then just ACCEPT IT. The most important thing is that you are happy.'

Her words were very strong and deep. It definitely taught me a lesson. Like many other men out there, I also do wish I look better. Who does not want a hot body or a handsome look? Sometimes, I do fall into the deep semiconscious world known as 'emo-land'. But hey, after hearing the inspiring speech, I learnt that I am worrying unnecessarily. I used to be always concerned about what people think of my physical features. That is no longer important; the most important thing is that I am happy with how I look like presently.

Men's Bras A HIT In Japan!

I stumbled upon this interesting piece of news hours ago. A major Japanese online shopping mall, known as Wishroom shop, has reportedly sold over three hundred men's bras for 2,800 yen (S$44.50) each. The shop also sells men's panties and lingerie for women.

"I like this tight feeling. It feels good," Wishroom representative Masayuki Tsuchiya told Reuters as he modeled the bra, which can be worn discreetly under men's clothing.

I believe the rising interest in men with bras means two things. Firstly, more Japanese men are turning to fetishes to satisfy their sexually desires. A quick research by me showed that Japanese men are well-known to be too shy to make the first move in dating. This further proves that more Japanese men are opting for bras and panties to keep their sexual desire at bay.

They have a desire but at the same time a conflict around it. The conflict is that they are painfully shy and probably conservative. The desire keeps trying to get expressed, so it comes out in a disguised form. That would be a symptom or behaviour (cross-dressing), which would help hold the desire at bay.

Secondly, the new trend could mean more Japanese men are cultivating a homosexual identity. However, this particular connection is rather sensitive as the act of cross-dressing itself does not apply any motives.

Share with us what you think of this topic.

Why Me?

We often ask ourselves the question 'Why me?' whenever something bad and unfortunate happens to us. We always wish for a perfect life - good grades all year round, great friends and a happy family. We despise sadness, defeats and failures and hope they never return into our lives again. (Because) when it does, our smiles capsize, our shoulders retreat, our heads tilt down and our minds stagnate.

Why must failure come knocking onto my door, and not his or hers? Why must I lose? Why not him or her?

Perhaps it is because God knows that you are strong enough to open the door and face failure. And that you have the guts to fight it before eventually emerging victorious at the end of the day. Perhaps God wants you to be an inspiration to the other imperfect human beings out there. Maybe you are born to motivate and encourage others who are suffering the same fate as you.



















Failure comes in many forms and one of them is a punch right on your face. Then when you wake up, it is just you stranded all alone in the hospital, with nobody else beside you. It is like how you feel when your result slip lands on your innocent palms. When you fail to get the result that you really wanted, everything around you suddenly vanishes. It is just you and a dark background around you. You are shocked, depressed and angry. And you ask yourself again 'Why me?'.

We all know everything happens for a reason. There is an explanation to why we are who we are and the state we are in. There is a justification to why we are fat, to why our results are disastrous, to why we simply fail to do well in a certain sport and even to why our faces are full of pimples. Maybe, just maybe, it is a message to us to change our lifestyles. Or maybe God does not want us to get carried away if the reverse materializes instead.

This may sound a bit crazy but being thankful to the obstacles that God places in our lives can be helpful. There are even more serious and worse challenges being faced by other people out there and we should be fortunate that none of them happened to us instead. As long as we are given the chance to redeem ourselves, we should use it well and not waste it. Most children in Africa are still denied access to education due to war and poverty.

The next time your life turns miserable, tell yourself that there is a reason why you were chosen to face the problem and be thankful for whatever that you have right now.